Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
