mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
