he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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