Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
