the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
