no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
