plz talk dirty to me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
