whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
