I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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