Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
