We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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