So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
