garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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