3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Everyone says I win the strip club
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
