Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
