yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
