2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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