Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
