I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
