Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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