You work out of a Hotel?
my phone needs a breathalizer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
