My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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