So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
