I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
