i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
