So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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