Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
