I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
