No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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