You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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