Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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