did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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