He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
