He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
