What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
