My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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