I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
