Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
