Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
