community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
