Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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