ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
