What tipped you off? The sombrero?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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