She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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