that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
