Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
