i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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