when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
