forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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