i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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